PASSENGER'S FAULTY BRA ERUPTS INTO MID-FLIGHT PANIC

A United Airlines flight traveling from San Francisco to Seoul  landed safely Wednesday after a passenger's Playtex® 18-hour bra apparently expired mid-flight, causing minor discomfort to her—but major irritation to others. 

Nearly 11 hours into the 12-hour flight, the big-bosomed woman—a U.S. national who customs officials refused to identify because it was immediately unclear if she posed a security risk—reportedly alerted attendants that her undergarment had become "itchy." 

"She started scratching her breasts provocatively and it was disturbing to some of the other passengers," one flight attendant said. "I tried to give her pretzels and a ginger ale, but she wouldn't calm down. She took off her cardigan and she was getting visibly excited. At one point, she smacked a bald man in the head with her double-D boobies! We're not really trained for that!"

The well-endowed woman holed herself in the tiny lavatory near the front cabin for at least 35 minutes, witnesses say, where she unsuccessfully tried to remove the bra.

"A queue of about five passengers developed in the front of the plane," one crew member said, noting that FAA rules strictly prohibit such lines from forming during flight. "Some of the less experienced crew members were panicking!"

The captain was forced to illuminate the "fasten seat belt" sign, at which time the chesty woman voluntarily exited the restroom and returned to her seat, along with other passengers. The planed landed safely in Seoul about 45 minutes later.

United officials would only confirm that the passenger had embarked earlier on a 5 a.m. flight from Chicago and endured a four-hour layover in San Francisco before traveling to South Korea.

"If she strapped the bra on earlier that morning, it's no wonder that it failed," said United spokesperson Mike Hunt. "I mean, those bras are only designed for 18 hours, and if you're a big-chested woman like her, I think you'd really only get about 10-12 hours of wear. For once, the airline is not to blame."

X-ray security screenings of the traveler taken earlier that day revealed  a seamless, smoothing silhouette—except for what appeared to be two metal nipple rings. The screening indicated no serious problems.

The Playtex® 18-hour bra is advertised as a wire-free undergarment that feels "wonderful, hour-after-hour." The Dover, Del.-based, Playtex®, also manufactures feminine hygiene and infant care products, including tampons and diapers.