COLUMN: KOREAN BOYS HAVE NO BLADDER CONTROL

BY L, 

SEOUL ASYLUM CONTRIBUTOR

The night started as many others do. L—our 26-year-old heroine, with an awesome sense of humor and even awesome-er boobs—sets out for the night with her girls to visit the local watering holes, in hopes of maybe finding a cute boy to make out with.

Now L — her name has been shortened to protect her innocence—tends to be what's known as a "Makeout Bandit" when she's had a few too many, and this night was no exception.

Armed with a healthy buzz from a pre-party for the bachelorette party she was with, she entered Molly Malone's not necessarily looking for love…but if she got some kissing in, that was all good.

Enter Billy Bob. 

DICTATOR TO MARK 70th BIRTHDAY WITH SLEEPOVER, DQ BLIZZARD® CAKE

A wasted Kim Jong-Il after celebrating his birthday in 2010.

PYONGYANG—North Korea dictator Kim Jong-Il plans to celebrate his 70th birthday Wednesday with music, dancing—and an 8-inch DQ Blizzard® cake, according to unnamed sources familiar with the facist regime. 

The party is expected to culminate with a scavenger hunt-sleepover for some of Kim's closest BFFs. 

Sources say Hello Kitty-themed Evites were issued last month to at least 200 of the dictator's closest friends—including Chinese President Hu Jintao, Cuban leader Fidel Castro and Justin Bieber.  

"I'll bring the SMOKE if you supply the HOs;)" an exultant Casto wrote on the event's wall, after confirming his attendance.  

Party planners refused to confirm details of the "Dear Leader's" soiree, citing a strong fear of being executed, but one dished on the dictator's big day after being promised anonymity. 

"I don't want to ruin the surprise, but the party bags will definitely include Silly Bandz®!!! We're also going to teach Kim how to Dougie!" the anonymous tipster wrote in an email. "This party's going to be ill! … Get it? Il!?!"

Kim Jong-Il's birthday (Feb. 16) is a national holiday in North Korea and many there say they will observe the event as they do most days: by fasting and staying home from the job they don't have.